My wasted heart will love you.

Haven't written in here in a lonnnnnnnnnng time. I've been getting down with xanga. :( Sorryyyyy I have betrayed you, Livejournal folk.

www.xanga.com/yourneweskimofriend


I'll be back from time to time, though :)

SO. I've recently discovered that my father reads my  livejournal. Suckage, eh?


Hi, Dad. Thanks for being nosy.

Now, let's see if he says anything to me...I'll let you know.

So, some girls came from the States last week... From North Central Bible College. They came to do ministry, basically, and they prepared a ladies retreat for the women/girls at my church, and a couple ladies from another church. It was awesome. Anyway, they are the most amazing, sweet, awesome, on fire for God girls ever.


( Pictures of the lovely ladies. )

Now for the real pictures of Rome! 


( YEZZZZ. )

paul mccartney is love
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HAHA. I DIDN'T EVEN TRY.


HECKYESHEIS<3

At your ten year high school reunion... by robbiewriter
Your school name
Your name
Your job will be	Trashman
You will be worth	$397,969
Everyone will think you	are really hot
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What stupid celebrity are you destined to kill? by daydreamer8852
Name
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You killed
With a
On	February 9, 2021
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( Just a few pictures from my marvelous trip. )

I'm going to Rome and Sicily this week... So if you reply to my entries on here often...and I did not get a chance to say goodbye... Here you go:


Steff: I love you so much. You are the freaking luv uf muh lyf gurl. I Love You Gf!1 Hahaha... Oh yes. Text me, please!? I miss you so much! Have a fantastic week.


Esti: I love you! I wish I could have said goodbyeeeeeeeeeeeee. Have a great week with Nate, poopsicles. i luv u 4evaz


Tony: You SUCK. ... No, not really. But we haven't talked in forever and a day. I love you, jerk. Have a rad week.


Andrew Michael: You are grounded. We need to talk, buck-o. I still love you, though. Don't miss me too much. It can't be healthy.


Hailey: You are hxc d00d...........................................ya....................................sew ur da bom n i h0p u hav a rly rly grate week n stuf.......................... l8r bootyful!1


When I return, I will have photos. HAP-PEE.


Ta-ta, my little fools <3.

So I've been thinking about real deep stuff today, and it's becoming clearer and clearer that I don't belong here. Not so much Italy, but this world. I'm dying to come to the States in May... But then what? Then I come back here. It's like a never-ending cycle. I wish I was somewhere I could call home. Here I'm with my family, but in America I'm with my friends. But then what happened to all those great friends in Spain? Should I just wipe from my memory? Should I just move on, and pretend I didn't live there for 5 years? Should I pretend like those friendships meant nothing? Anyway, 99% of those people I will never see again. It makes me sad to look back and see how lost all those people are. I wish I could tell them the truth about this life, and be taken seriously.

But anyway, this entry isn't about Spain. It's about not belonging here. It would feel so nice to just rip off this flesh, and be free from this world and it's temptations. I want to go home to Jesus. Maybe I'm just feeling lonely? I don't know, but it's like today the truth hit me so hard. This doesn't just go for me, anyway. It's the truth about everyone... Gah, this is making me think of "the Beautiful Letdown' by Switchfoot. Gahah. I shall post the lyrics, yes? And if you don't like the song, cry me a river.




It was a beautiful letdown
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone, unknown, and hurt.
It was a beautiful letdown
The day I knew
That all the riches this world had to offer me
Would never do.

In a world full of bitter pain and bitter doubt
I was trying so hard to fit in, fit in
Until I found out
That I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I will carry a cross and a song
Where I don't belong, I don't belong

It was a beautiful letdown
When you found me here
Yeah for once in a rare blue moon
I see everything clear

I'll be a beautful letdown
That's what I'll forever be
And though it may cost my soul
I'll sing for free
We're still chasing our tails in the rising sun
In our dark water planet still spinning in a race where
No one wins and no one's won

See I don't belong here
I don't belong, I don't belong
I will carry a cross and a song
Where I don't belong, I don't belong
I don't belong here, I don't belong here
I don't belong here, I don't belong
I'm gonna set sight and set sail for the kingdom come
Kingdom come
Your kingdom come
Won't you let me down yeah
Let my foolish pride
Forever let me down

Ah, easy living, you're not much like your name
Easy dying, hey you look just about the same
Would you please take me off your list
Easy living, please come on and let me down

We are a beautiful letdown
Painfully uncool
The church of the drop outs, the losers, the sinners, the failures, and the fools
Oh what a beautiful letdown
Are we salt in the wound
Hey, let us sing one true tune, yeah


{insert a whole bunch of "let me down"'s here}



That about sums it up for me. It's kind of okay to know that I belong in a place so much greater than this. This world is just a stepping stone in what my true life will consist of. Ta-ta, loves!

I hate this.

Happy birthday to Amy, happy birthday to Amy, happy birthday to my Amy, happy birthday to her.


/sigh. I guess the first time being away from her on her birthday is going to be the hardest. It's just difficult when I've shared so much with her.

Want to know something funny? The part about her that always makes me cry a little, is her hand. Just the feel of it or something. Like, she would always grab for my hand. Ever since we were little, we would always hold hands. Anyway, I miss how soft her hand feels. And how cute her fingers are. Haha. I am starting to sound freaky. But I don't care. I miss my sister :(. But yay, I'm so thankful she could spend a couple weeks here with me. It livened things up here a lot. I just wish I could be with her on her birthday.

OKAYIMDONE.

My heart hurts so much. I had to say goodbye to her today. I can't stop the tears. I just want to get away, but I can't. Nowhere to go. I feel so helplessly alone.

Edit: nevermind.

Okay, so in a few minutes I should be heading out with my parents and sister to... FREAKING FLORENCE!!! I am so excited. Even though I've been to Italy so many times in my life, I've never been there. And then we are going to Naples to visit with allllllll my family. And I miss them, so I am really happy about that(not to mention the fact that now I can actually speak Italian, and not just understand it.) And then after Naples, we're going to Lece, which is where my favourite aunt lives, and her grandsons (so cute), who I am looking forward to seeing. I have never really gotten into the history of Naples when I've been there, but this time my uncle told me he and his daughter are going to take me around Naples and to all the historical places, and museums, and palaces, and all that dooda. It's such a beautiful city. IMA TAKE PIX 4 YALLZ LOLOLOL.

So yeah, I won't be online for another 10 days maybe, so here are some shout-out thingamajiggers:

Steffy: I'll text you and all that. I love you and will miss talking to you :( 10 days is a lot in StefLu years! Tehehe. I love you, baby. Tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much.

Andy-boy, aka the Broccolinator: My pookie! Be good, and I'll talk to you soon. I love you, kid.

Esti: BOOTYFUL GURL I LUV U N I HOP U MIS ME LYK IMA MIZS U. B G00D. I LUV U 4EVA GF!!11@#@!#1

Nola: NOLITA MUCHACHITA!! You no espeako espanisho. HEHEHEHE. I hope much good shall come of the OMGBROOKS situation. I can't wait to hear about it when I return, lovely! I loooove youuuuuuu!!!!

Feena: You're not fat, you dork. You're so cute. I love the crap out of you and your cute non-existent nose :)

If I forgot you, don't fret, for I love you still. Ummm... KBYE PEOPLE. I love you.

<3Lucia

My sister found this poem and it is cute, and it is just like us. SOLYKOMGHEREITIZLOL.




A sister's love is special
in oh so many ways
Now miles stretch between us
and minutes turn to days.

We've shared so much as children
the tears, the joys, the pain
A lifetime spent together
those memories remain.

In times gone by we've pondered
the paths our lives have taken
Knowing that in spite of this
our sister love unshaken.

A sister's love is special
in ways that are unspoken
Still that binding force exists
our sister love unbroken.


Mmhmm.

I felt weird today as I was watching home videos (Ha). I remember when Amy and I were little, and how we've been through the most amazing things together. I mean, stuff hardly any kids/siblings have been through. I feel like there is no one in the world that could ever understand me like my sister does, and no one can ever understand what I have been through but her. I got this pain in my heart while I watched the movies... And it literally stung. It was really weird.

I miss her so much. Some nights I find myself crying in bed... With no one to call, no one there to wrap their arm around me and tell me everything is going to be okay. I miss her scent, I miss her hugs and kisses every morning, I miss her holding my hand, I miss her voice, I miss her embrace, I miss her advice, I miss her listening to every word I have to say, I miss her laughing at all my jokes (even if they weren't funny), I miss her hyperness and crazyness when she felt like it, I miss those 15 minute breaks we would take from school to just lay back and talk about anything, I miss convincing her I was too afraid to sleep alone when, in all honesty, I just wanted her to be by my side, I miss crying on her shoulder, I miss her always asking for fashion advice, I miss her telling me all her secrets, I miss her calling me baby, I miss her pinching my cheek, I miss her being with me wherever I'd go with my parents, I miss her sarcasm and dry humor, I miss staying up late with her and watching movies, I miss taking care of her when she was sick, I miss her taking care of me when I was sick, I miss her telling me I was beautiful and not fat, I miss our last goodbye, our last hug, I miss the tightness with which she just held me that last night... Making me feel secure. I miss feeling her shoulder against my face as she told me I was going to be okay, and that she would miss her baby. I miss crying so hard, but remaining silent so as not to make a scene, I miss not wanting her to let go of me. I miss her squeezing me tightly, and rubbing my back, repeating over and over that she loved me. I miss the last time I saw her as we drove away. Watching her walking to class, crying a little. That drive home was the worst day of my life. I cried 10 hours straight, and went right to Steff's house afterward. I wish I could go back and hug her one more time. I miss her more than words can say. I see her in about 5 days though... I'm just living for the day she gets here.

Kay, that's enough venting for today. Goodnight, folks.

Someone on the Beatlemania community made this, and I really liked it. So here it is, ladies and gents. Rest in Peace, John. We miss you.

I'm feeling really sad right about now... I know it is dumb of me because I never knew them, but I wish John and George were still around. I'm especially sad about George now, I don't know why... It just makes me sad looking at how he was in the beginning and how he was in the end. He changed a lot, but he was always a great person. Meh :( He seeked spiritual answers, and he found them in Buddhism. I only hope in his last minutes he called on Jesus.





So handsome!

He was such a smart guy. Knew exactly what he was looking for.

I miss him.

The End.

Hullo, people.

Ashley, this is so you will shut the freak up ;)

So anyway... Nathan came, and left. Spent a week here with me. It was nice. We've decided to stay friends since being in a 'serious' relationship at this time and age is pretty lame, so we are going to wait until we are both ready =). He's back in Spain now, but is coming back sometime in January. His insanely gorgeous brother David is visiting him from college on the 6th. He misses him, so I am glad.

AMY IS COMING IN 2 WEEKS. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAPPYIAM. I can't wait to see her and all the nice things she is bringing me from America ;) HAHA
 

But yeah.... I have to start school again today. Freaking sadness.


( K BYE! )

OMGZ NEW PEEKTUREZ!11! L0LZ

  


( AND DERS M0R3!1!1 L0L0L0L )

VOTE FOR BUSH, DORKOS. Best president ever. kthx.